The 10 Worst Medieval Torture Devices

Think some of these should be brought back, especially with some of the evil, vile people that are roaming around with no care for their actions…

1. “The head crusher”: Does what’s said on the tin, really. It’s fitted with a screw that the executioner would slowly turn until the skull and jaw shatters, eventually causing the eyes to pop out. Mmmm, such great mental images.

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2. “Cradle of Judas”: This one sounds nicer than it is. The torturer straps the person up in the metal harness or in ropes, places their anus or vagina on the angry looking metal point, and slowly lowers them until the cavity is stretched, eventually impaling them. Yeah, our eyes are watering too.

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3. “Cats Paw”: Also, less nice than it sounds. It was used to rip apart the person’s flesh, tearing it from the bone (pulled pork, anyone?) Apparently, the person was more likely to die from an infection due to the tool being dirty than from… idk, lack of flesh?

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4. “The Rack”: This one is legendary. You know the drill, broken bones, detached limbs. In later years it was modified with a bed of rusty nails, all that fun stuff.

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5. “The Wheel”: This one has a plethora of possible uses. Sometimes, the victims limbs would be bludgeoned with an iron bar while tied to it. Another exciting option was to tie the victim to it and light a fire under it. So as you turned them, they got an even amount of burning all over their body.

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6. “Knee Splitter”: Sounds as fun as it is. Used to completely decimate a persons limbs, used like a vice. Sometimes the spikes would be heated, to ensure it was an excruciating as possible.

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7. “Spanish Donkey”: Yowza! The victim straddles it as if it were a horse, and then weights are tied to their ankles. It was known for occasionally splitting people in half. There were other variations where it was just the right height that if you stood on your tiptoes, it didn’t hurt. But, you can only stand on those tippy toes for long. Anyone else’s eyes watering just thinking about it?

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8. “The Crocodile Tube” A victims face or feet, sometimes both (we assume, not at the same time) are placed in the tube, and the torturer then heats the metal up. For those of you who were listening in science, you’ll remember that metal expands when heated so it would hurt even more!

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9. “Brazen Bull”: No, this isn’t the name of a local pub. Victims were forced inside a large hollow brass bull with a fire lit beneath it. It was rigged so that the persons screams were amplified and sounded like one really angry ox. The victim would die from severe burns or Asphyxiation

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10. “Crocodile Shears”: These weren’t made for shearing crocodiles. They were intended for use on a man’s baby maker. It would be clamped repeatedly on his ween until it bled. Or.. was no longer really… there.

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Disney Angry Over Amy Schumer’s Sexy Star Wars Cover

Amy Schumer’s GQ cover, in which she posed suggestively alongside C-3PO and R2-D2, has induced the ire of the Star Wars franchise’s owner.

Disney, who bought the brand by purchasing Lucasfilm for more than £2.5billion, have issued a statement on Twitter, saying, “Lucasfilm & Disney didn’t approve, participate in or condone the inappropriate use of our characters in this manner.”

In some ways, it’s not surprising that the Mouse House are frustrated by the raunchy spread. After all, the campaign for ‘The Force Awakens’ is now in full swing, gearing up for release on 18 December. Anything that could possibly derail that will irk the company.

However, when creator George Lucas was in charge of the series, he didn’t seem to care that much about controversial affiliations, as long as they were affectionate homages as opposed to strictly commercial enterprises. ‘Family Guy’ made a number of rude parodies, as did ‘Robot Chicken’. There have been porn versions (though Lucasfilm did sue and lose to animation ‘Starballz’ in 2001).

It seemed like as long as people were talking about ‘Star Wars’, then that was a good thing.

That doesn’t seem to be the case here, though Disney have yet to say whether they will take the matter further. GQ has also declined to comment so far.

‘Trainwreck’, the film Schumer was promoting which has just received a massive boost of extra publicity, is released on 14 August.

https://uk.screen.yahoo.com/trainwreck-trailer-2-144450342.html?format=embed